19 November 2008

Driving Me Crazy

Dear Other Car Drivers...
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1) Mini-roundabouts are designed to keep traffic flowing.
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They are not places where we all stop and gawp at each other.
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2) If I'm in a 30 mph zone, I'm going to do 30 mph.
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Driving really close behind me on my back bumper isn't going to make me drive any faster.
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In fact, it will probably make me go really slowly just to annoy you even more.
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3) There should be a stalk-like instrument by your steering wheel (the big, round, turny thing).
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Moving it in either an up or down manner will activate some blinking lights outside your car.
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These lights are called indicators and they show other drivers which way you are about to turn.
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Use them.
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Unless you're assuming we're all psychic.
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4) Once you've mastered how to activate your indicators, please ensure you check they have switched off after you've made your turn.
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You will know they are still on by the ticking noise.
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That is unless you are actually going to turn right in 3 miles.
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5) If there is an obstruction on your side of the road, it is called a "hazard" and you are supposed to stop and allow cars coming in the other direction pass.
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They have the right of way.
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Don't just pull out expecting the person coming towards you to stop.
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Because one day, I won't, and I'll make you reverse all the way back.
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6) Unless you have 3 hands, please don't drive with one phone to your ear, whilst holding a cigarette in the other hand.
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One day, you'll answer your cigarette and burn your ear.
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7) Just because you have had children in the past 40 years, it doesn't mean you can park in the child parking spaces at the supermarket.
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8) If you are waiting to pull out from a junction and you see there are no cars behind me, please don't pull out in front of me and then drive really slowly.
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Unless you enjoy the sight of a mad gesticulating woman in your mirror.
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9) Rear fog lights are only meant to be switched on when it's so foggy you can't see properly.
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Not when it was a bit misty last Tuesday.
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I would like to assure all my blog readers that I have never done any of the above.
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Ever.
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And it didn't take me 3 times to pass my driving test either!
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(I really did see a man this morning with mobile phone to his ear in one hand and a burning cigarette in the other hand)
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13 comments:

Apple Valley said...

That has made me chuckle this morning, I completley agree with all of the points you have made and am also a perfect driver, LOL - sometimes!

claire said...

Very very funny and so true. Number 5 - a pet hate of mine. I have actually carried on when I had right of way and made the (angry) person reverse!!
ooh and when people don't acknowledge you have let them by...courtesy is all it is....I open my window and yell 'THANK YOU' or 'DON'T MENTION IT _ MY PLEASURE' at them!!

Pixiedust said...

How true those statements are and all of them really get on my t**s. I used to be a calm driver, but driving these days turns me into janet street porter. xxx

momof2gr8kids said...

yes, you are Right perhaps you and I can take turns standing on corners hollering at people who drive in correctly?? my shift starts now.. :{)

Esther said...

Grin I took 7 attempts to pass my test possibly cos I was too worried about what the other person in the car though of my driving.. it certainly felt a lot easier when I started driving on my own.

My pet hate is people who cut back and forth across lanes with no indication where they are going and no reason to it. We have a roundabout where it is really common followed by a multi lane road where the same person will cut from one side to the other and back again in the space of a few hundred yards it makes no sense and they never indicate but if you are anywhere close to them they act as if you are in the wrong!

My Gran had a saying for people like that particularly when they were speeding too (which they normally are) she said they were late for their own funeral.

Vicky said...

Brilliant - a fantastic read and has cheered me up and made me laugh on a miserable grey Wednesday afternoon.
(Stumbled across you via Cakes make the world a better place)

Tip Top said...

My kids now yell at the bad drivers who cut me up or pull out in front of me, blocking where I am just about to drive, forcing me to almost mount the curb and hit the offending car as they 'may' be able to ram the car coming in the opposite direction so they can get to the shop 1 second quicker.

Yes I had a bad drive home from work.....

Kitty said...

Hear hear. I'm afraid I'm at my worst when other drivers do all those things you mention above. x

JuliaB said...

Can I add another?... ahem ...

Dear other drivers. In addition to the above, please do not stop suddenly infront of me for no apparent reason other than to let a car out of a side road. In other words - If there is NO JUNCTION then please KEEP DRIVING!!! (Otherwise I may also issue aforementioned red notice)!! grrrrrrrrrrr...
x

ethel and edna's tearoom said...

rofl
I want one of those stickers (the get-too-close-I-may-stop-and-sue-you one). Soooo funny.
I could add lots of other points too. Oh if I was Minister in charge of the Highways Agency...

Pink Feather Paradise said...

I agree, Mr P wants to buy me a ratty old landrover defender so that I can gouge big scratches and remove wing mirrors of offending pig ignorant drivers.....

X

prettyshabby said...

you forgot to mention the blue rinse brigade..my m.i.l slows down when other drivers come towards her..on their side,perfectly safely and shes on her side of the road..yet she still slows down! it makes me all hot and sweaty going in the car with her, I've even been known to mumble, dribble and rock back and forth too.
Then there were the two old dears recently who thought all the cars waiting at the traffic lights were parked up,so overtook them all and sat on the wrong side of the road at the cross roads with their indicators on to turn left..they jammed up the whole of Malvern town !!!
don't you just love bonkers drivers..well we would't have highly amusing posts like yours otherwise!

God's Rock Angel said...

There was a car practically stuck to my bumper yesterday and my dad was in the car so I was on my best behaviour.

Normally I tap the brake pedal just enough to get the lights to click on without the brakes engaging so that the the idiot behind me gets a little scared thinking i'm braking when i'm not. Usually works.