16 January 2009

Why I'm Not Talking To Julia

Earlier this week on the telephone :
"Hey Emma, it's Julia!
Do you fancy coming to a pilates class on Friday morning?
It's a new group and we need more ladies to come.
There's no pushing or anything energetic involved".
(I distinctly remember her saying
"no pushing or anything energetic")
Me : "Um, yeah, okay. Sounds like fun"
So this morning I turn up 1 minute after ten and there are 3 ladies plus one very nubile instructor in the middle of their warm-up.
I was done-for by the end of the warm-up.
"Okay, everybody grab a band and we'll get started on the
body conditioning element".
Me (looking quizzically and pointedly at Julia) I mouth the words
"Body Conditioning?!"
She pretends not to see me.
. .
The only time I get close to rubber bands is to tie my hair up or when I'm picking red ones off the drive from where the post-man has deposited them.
(I like to think he's keeping them for a later date rather than just dropping
them like a litter lout)
"And stretch. And hold. Arms out to the side. Keep your back straight."
And then she utters the words I've been dreading ...
"Keep your tummy muscles pulled in tight"
Lady, the last time I could pull my tummy muscles in tight, Queen and
David Bowie were singing "Under Pressure" on Top of The Pops

Just when I think my arms and leg are on fire (which apparently can become "addictive" - err, not on my planet) we move on to the pilates session.
Now that I can do.
Any exercise that involves lying down is okay in my book.
So now I'm not talking to Julia (or, as she will henceforth be known, "The Liar") and I'm waiting to see if I can get out of bed tomorrow or whether I will stay under the duvet whimpering and curled up in a fetal position .....



Lola....L..O..L..A....lo--oh--luh! said...

That sounds a bit like my "peaceful" Yoga experience. I'm not going to talk to Julia either!

Katy said...

Julia is a lying cow bag, I won't talk to her either ;)

I remember pilates from my 'let's keep fit and thin for our 2nd pregnancy' phase after putting on 4.5 stone for the 1st. It was horrible, it hurt, my bum would burn for days afterwards. Now I eat biscuits and drink tea. Much better.

Do you fancy coming on a little walk up the hill with me? It's only a small bump really, not a hill to be quite honest. Mount Everest. I'm sure we could be done in time for lunch and maybe go for some cake afterwards?

Diane.W. said...

O Dear!!! Hope you are ok tomorrow :o)x

Little Bead said...

oh dear, I'm sure Julia's very nice really, just a little enthusiastic - and economical with the truth!

Kitty said...

I feel your pain. I signed up for a yoga class. The teacher was a little old man who looked like Papa Smurf - but that was just a foul disguise. Really he was a demon, intent on causing us all a LOT OF PAIN!!

Hope you're ok tomorrow. x

marie*jolie said...

My thoughts exactly. I think it's necessarily to shun friends when they lie so unabashedly. Tee hee. Rest up! A hot bath with sea salts might help.

Tiff said...

I wouldn't talk to her either. LOL Hope your muscles heal quickly. Poor you!

busy lizzie said...

Iv'e been playing with the idea of Pilates or Yoga for a while now. "It so gooooood for you" all those abs on legs tell you. Thanks for the reality check. I'll pop that in the 'it would have seemed like a good idea at the time' file!!!

claire said...

I had me eye on a bit of pilates to get my knackered tummy muscles back to something resembling unpregnant!!!
(shan't bother now if it hurts - I'll buy big marksies knickers instead!)
Shame that - was looking forward to it too!!
Never mind!

The Instructor ! said...

Hi Emma! It is the dreaded Pilates Instructor here!

You did fantasically well considering you appeared to be a little mislead!

Reading your blog splot is enough to make my stomach muscles ache. You are so funny!

Ok so in my defence you did attend 'Pilates mix' which is a mixture of body conditioning to. So please ladies DON'T GIVE UP!
sometimes there is truth in the saying no pain- no gain!

Oh well, what will it take to convince you all?

Well Emma see you back next week then? Remember to bring your friends!

I shall see you all soon!
Sue Cropper

clare said...

I hope you and your lying friend can be friends again , maybe when your muscles stop hurting .
Clares Craftroom

Taz said...

Ouch. I do callenetics and I know that burning sensation only to well.

Taz said...

Ooops forgot to add Thank you sooo much for the fabulous pile of fabric you sent me. You really spoiled me.

Buffy said...

Oh dear Emma!

I do hope you didn't suffer too much!

I am crying tears with laughter at that post. If nothing else at least Julie has given you a great Blog entry ;)

*rushes off to play with the photo site*

Amazing results on the pics!

Hope you have a great "pain free" week end
~Buffy x x

Indigo Blue said...

'They' say that with friends never discuss money, politics or religion perhaps we should add pilates to that list as well. Your post really made me laught, wish I had been there! To observe only, of course.

b. said...

I love when their perky little faces smile and talk through the whole workout...what?

I am thisclose to needed resuscitation!

Gem said...

Thank you for reminding me why I don't go to Pilates ;) I've been idly contemplating giving it a go this year but maybe not...

Andrea said...

Cant wait to see how you are feeling today....or if you feel anything?!! x

April said...

Hi, there's an award for you on my blog

April xx