Roll Up! Roll Up!

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I'd quite like you to read this blog post whilst humming the "diddle, id, did, diddle, id, did, didddle id dee dee dee" circus music.

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The circus came to town here a few weeks ago and granny*jelly generously bought us tickets to go.

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We watched hoola-hooping girls, juggling acrobats, clowns being daft and plates spinning on sticks.
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We discussed the perils of juggling fire and how you shouldn't really do that, actually.
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And then out came the trapeze lady.
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Who exactly was it that decided trapeze ladies should wear the skimpiest of pants displaying their assets for all the world to see?
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This lady, whilst she had a perfectly pleasant bottom encased in fishnet tights, was giving us views only a gynaecologist should have to see.
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Okay, she was 20 feet above our heads at the time, but even so, very little was left to the imagination.

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(She must have been on very friendly terms with her bic razor is all I'm saying.)
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In my opinion, if there's any chance of impressionable young boys being in the audience, a far more sensible clothing choice would be something like this:
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So. Whilst we were gasping at this lady's nether regions, I mean, trapeze talents, boy*jelly leans across to me and whispers in my ear ...
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"I think that lady has put her pants on back to front".
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I just hope that he never has tickets to sit and watch a lady doing the splits whilst wearing a g-string and fishnet tights again.
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But if he does ... I'd rather he didn't take his mum and granny with him.
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PS - I got told off by the head-of-security man for taking that top photograph.
I was behind the saftety fence you see and might have fallen over.
Thankfully, I remembered my life-long talent of looking where I was going and lived to see another day.
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Button It!

Something else I've wanted to have a go at making for a long time and finally gave in to my creative twitching ...

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"Berry Delight"

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I have a LOT of buttons, all sorted into colours.

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"Juicy Lucy"

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I can never resist them in charity shops or at boot-sales.

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"Spearmint Pink"

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I love swirling my hand through them.
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"Denim Dream"

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But most of all, I enjoy making something pretty out of them.

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"Umm, think I'll keep this one for myself"

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I'm trying a little experiment and have opened up a studio on Artfire.

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This means International Buyers can now buy JB*JB products in American dollars.

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I've added these necklaces to both my Artfire shop and my Folksy shop.

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Waist Not? Want Not!

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Okay, so you're into wearing corsets and having an hour-glass figure.

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So do you work hard at keeping the weight off?

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Do lots and lots of stomach crunches?

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Make sure you do lots of hoola-hooping to keep that waistline nice and trim?

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Nah!

.You get your ribs removed by a plastic surgeon of course!

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Personally, I would have considered a face-lift and boob-lift before worrying about my ribs.

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Beaded Watch Winner

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Finally!

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I can announce who won in the Beaded Watch Giveaway ....

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So.

A lilac watch will be on its way to you .....

... sometime ....

... soon ....

... ish ...

Pick Your Excuse

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Okay, so pick your favourite excuse as to why I haven't posted to my blog in over 2 weeks.
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(1) George Clooney ran out of petrol right outside my house and came inside to wait for a taxi. As soon as he was inside, all the windows and doors mysteriously wouldn't open so Mr Jelly and boy*jelly had to stay in a hotel leaving me and George trapped in the house....

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(2) A big alien spaceship landed in my garden and sucked me into their ship in a beam of light. They proceeded to probe me looking for signs of intelligent life.

It's taken them all this time to find it.
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(3) I invented a time machine and in fact it's still yesterday to me and you're all two weeks ahead of me.
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(4) I am going for the blogging-record of leaving the longest amount of time between hosting a giveaway and announcing the winner ... I think my chances of beating it are pretty good.
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(5) I am juggling 4 projects at the moment, all of which are top-secret for now. Something had to give, and it was my blog.
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My next post will be announcing who has won the beaded watch giveaway.
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It won't say how long they will have to wait before they receive it.
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Watch This Space

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I know, I know ... I was supposed to have announced the winner of my watch giveaway by now, but did you see how many entries there were?!

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I'm slowly writing them all out and checking who did a linky-poo on their blog to make sure they get a free entry.

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So, I haven't forgotten - I'm not diddling anybody - I'm just really busy with a couple of last-minute wholesale orders.

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(And suffering from writer's cramp!)

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Pete Who?

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Two random thoughts that just popped into my non-stop brain :

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When we say, "Oh, for Pete's sake!", who is Pete?

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Why do I always cut my leg shaving on the very last stroke?

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That's all - just thought I'd share!

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New Career Opportunity : Comedy

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I made up a joke yesterday ...

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Q. "What do you call an umbrella that doesn't know what it is?"

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A. "An ummmmm-brella"

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I'm totally thinking I should jack in all this sewing malarkey and book an

open-mic slot at my nearest comedy club.

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What do you think?

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You think I've been spending too much time with a six year old?

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I'd better go un-pack the sewing machine then....

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Rooms With A View

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When we moved into this house, we inherited a very lurid, 1970's bathroom

(and I'm talking the bad 1970's, not the funky, retro look we all love now).

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It looked like a nasty victorian public toilet, with lots of hideous tiles.

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I was assured that it would only ever be a temporary bathroom and would be replaced in the near future.

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For a long time I have been fascinated with Tromp L'oeil paintings so I set about creating one of my own that we would only have to live with for a few years.

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That was 10 years ago.

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May I present to you my "temporary" bathroom decor :

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Everything you see is painted

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I chose a mosaic-type lino for the floor

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What I had in mind was a Roman Villa, sort of like this;

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But my artistic talents - as well as my boredom threshold - are quite limited.

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Then we created my workroom - it was originally intended to be a playroom, but, well, I kind of took over!

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There are no windows and I wanted a sense of a view, and I knew my painting talents weren't that great so I looked at wallpaper.

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We imported (at huge expense) this mural wallpaper from here.

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My next project was boy*jelly's bedroom.

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I wanted a room that would last him for a good few years and at the time he was big on trains.

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I ordered some more wallpaper from a British site which sadly no longer exists.

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He still has this bedroom - although bits of it have been ripped off the walls!

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Here are two of my favourite Trompe L'oeil artists.

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The first is this guy who created this fantastic artwork in a brewery.

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He also created this Niagara Falls scene at a shopping mall.

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(Why can't Tesco do this?)
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Please visit his website - his work is amazing!

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Then there is this brilliant pavement artist who creates stunning art that only works from the correct angle.

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See more of his work and explanations as to how it works on his website
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This talented lady creates gorgeous views in rooms:
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Including this Cornish scene through a fake window.

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And this fantastic painting on a blank wall to enlarge a dining room - wow!

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Visit her website

Some art can really mess with your head :

This lady is about to enter a public toilet on a street

It's made from one-way glass - people can't see in, but you can see out!

Could you comforatbly "go" ?!

Read more about Monica Bonvicini's loo outside the Tate Modern here

Two more toilet ones:

Could you walk into this bathroom?

Or how about this to put men off their stroke?

What if you walked down this street with a hangover?

And finally, would this make you think twice about lighting up?

Your Recommendations Please

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I have a few sewing projects in my head, but I'm really struggling to find nice, reasonably-priced fabric online.

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So here's where you come in.

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Can you give me links to online fabric stores that :

• sell cheapish fabric,
• ship Internationally if they're in the US,
• sell in lengths bigger than Fat Quarters (ideally in metres, but yards will do)
• sell unusual, interesting, retro, Kawaii type prints for using on children's items

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I'm hoping with the power of blogging that I get lots of lovely linky-doos to check out.

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Please leave your recommendations in the comments.

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And because I can't possibly have a post without a photo ...

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Picture of a butterfly I took last summer in the back garden on the lawn.

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Jacking It All In ....

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You know those days when you wonder if all the sewing/crafting/painting/knitting is all worth it and you don't know whether you should just give it all up and go and get a proper job?

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If only I could find the solution to all my credit-crunch worries.

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I'd love to do what I'm doing now, AND do a proper paying job too.

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All that, and stay at home too.

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Imagine my joy when I received the following email in my inbox.

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Are you used to think that all work at home opportunities on the Internet are just scam artists trying to steal your money.

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With your last bit of hope, you can try our offer, we are here to present to your attention today, and you will be glad you did!

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It may took a couple of days to really get the hang of the system, but then you will be up to $100 per day in earnings, and climbing!

We are receiving hundreds of emails each day from our members, thanking us for providing such a great resource to actually earn a real income online.

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If you are interested in receiving more information about our work from home offers, and probably join with us, please send an email back to xxxxxx and we will get in touch with you again.

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Thanks for your time!

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+++++++++++++++

.Oh happy day!

.It couldn't possibly be a scam .... they'd say if it was wouldn't they?

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It's Official - I'm Cute!

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I just got word from Lynsey at Cuteable that my Victorian scented sachet has been featured today!

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For those of you who haven't heard of Cuteable, Lynsey spends a lot of time trawling the interweb finding all sorts of handmade goodness and updates the Cuteable blog every day with new scrummyness.

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Just click the photo below to go visit the blog!

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Ex-Queues Me!

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My least favourite part of my job is when I have to make a visit to the

post-office.

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My local post-office is quite small inside and has a sign that informs customers that, due to the lack of space, they do not operate a single queue system. The sign then goes on to ask customers to choose a cashier to queue at, thus creating four separate queues.

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Except when I've done this in the past, I get tutted and muttered at that, "there is a queue you know".

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My attempts at trying to point out the sign to these people with my eyebrows falls on deaf ears (although, technically I suppose it falls on deaf eyes?)

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So today I entered the post office, assessed the queue situation, chose a cashier and strode purposefully to the window behind a man being served.

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As soon as the man in front had finished, I naturally assumed I would be next to be served.

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But, oh no!
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The old lady with a walking-stick had other ideas and zoomed in from my right to take her place at the window.

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To say I was cross is a bit of an understatement.

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I had obeyed the post office's instructions and not formed a single queue.

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I had sought out a cashier and had obediently formed a separate queue.

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When it was finally my turn, I spent 10 minutes moaning and whinging at the poor lady who got to serve me.

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Then when I turned to leave, I noticed a single queue had formed behind me.

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I sighed, looked pointedly at the sign with my eyebrows and left.

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And I know I shall have to do it all again tomorrow...

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Smelly Clothes

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I've been wanting to have a play with my buttons and ribbons for ages, but due to illness and orders, I've had to wait.

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I finally managed it yesterday and made two lavender scented sachets - ideal for hanging in your wardrobe or from a door handle.

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I've printed Victorian images onto fabric and then added co-ordinating trimmings and buttons.

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I'm really pleased with how they have turned out and look forward to being able to make some more!
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I've listed them in my Folksy shop, here

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