21 August 2008

Addicted To Not-Shopping

Things have been pretty desperate for me telly-wise the past few evenings.
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I've had my fill of the olympics by about 9:05 in the morning, so I really can't bring myself to sit and watch the highlights programme in the evening.
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So the other evening I was doing the nightly ritual of pressing "page down" on the satelite tv listings thinking "there must be something on"
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I looked at the 100's
(I've already seen every episode of Top Gear and QI that's ever been shown on Dave)
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I made it past the 200's
(the place where daytime telly goes to die)
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I got through the 400's - The Music Channels
(why would I want to watch lots of skinny bimbos writhing around gratuitously in bikinis to music I don't understand - I'm not a middle aged man?)
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I carried on past the 500's
(I don't want to watch any programmes about sharks / the War / ancient Egypt / ancient Rome and "Mythbusters" wasn't on)
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which meant I'd got as far as the 600's (cue dramatic music)
.
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Within 5 minutes I was hooked.
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First, I watched amazed as I was shown how I need never shave again with this product:
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I can literally rub away unwanted hair and it could be mine for £34.98 plus £5.99 p&p.
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Just as I was about to start dialling the number, they started to tell me about this:
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Well my nails have started looking nice lately, and this system makes them so shiny, and never mind that I have a nail-buffer upstairs in the bathroom cabinet gathering dust, this could be mine for just £29.99 plus £6.99 p&p.
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But hold on! Then there was this:
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This gazebo goes up in 60 seconds! We could use it in the garden ... if we ever get good weather ... I mean that gazebo I bought last summer that is sitting in the garage that has never been used doesn't go up in 60 seconds does it?
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And then I came to my senses.
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What I really need is something that gets grease and oil out of silk for when I do car maintenance in my best silk blouses. Would that be asking too much?
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The stuff's miraculous ... I shall definitely get some of that ... what's the number ... oh wait ... I don't have a credit card!
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And there you have the (very sensible) reason why Mr Jelly won't let me have my own credit card!
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oooo OOOO oooo
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This blog-post could be yours for £249.99 plus £19.99 p&p
Ring this number now : 08000 1245678971123456786423443274
And quote product code : H4554VW4786WTUDVX41577219998HJKHJKHDF
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Quick! Call now! Our operators are standing by to take your call!
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oooo OOOO oooo
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A typical night-in for Emma sat in front of the TV
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7 comments:

Ringmaster said...

I used to watch those all night. I had notes and notes laying around of all the things I needed to purchase from the wonderful world of the TV shopping.

ethel and edna's tearoom said...

How on Earth do you manage to drive a sewing machine in those heels?!!!!

Roseberry Crafts said...

What an hilarious post! Needed that after all the ironing I've had to plough through today! Your legs look so silky smooth in that picture, you wouldn't need the Sheerskin hair remover LOL! Incidentally, I used one of those things when I was a teenager (got one in superdrug) and it rubbed my skin off as well as my hair! Certainly wouldn't put one near my face lol!

PeggyCrafts said...

HEEHEE! what a great post! :D

summerfete said...

Excellent!

Debbies-English-Treasures said...

What a F.U.N.N.Y post!
Oh, by the way, my hubby doesn`t let me have a credit card for the same reasons as yours.
Even if I only have £1.00 left in my purse, I have to go out and spend it!

Kisses
Debbie Moss
XXXXX

Joanne said...

Just had a good old laugh at this post, we've all been there what's happened to TV of late there's more channels but less and less on that I would want to watch.