My Next Letter Will Be From My Solicitors ...

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Dear Mr Law

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(Or can I call you by the nickname I've decided to give you ...

"Mr. well, that's just bloody typical, isn't it?")

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I note with interest that you do not seem to have taken any notice of my recent letters

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I know you can't have read them because if you had, the show I have just done for jb*jb at the weekend wouldn't have been the worst show ever in the history of people not turning up at shows ...

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I should really have suspected things would not go well on Thursday - let's look at the evidence shall we?

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Thursday : a huge spot appears on my chin meaning that any customers on our stand will be so distracted by it they will be thinking "is she growing another chin on her face?" instead of "what beautiful products, I must spend lots and lots of my hard-earned cash on them"

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Friday morning : my computer decides to compact all my e-mail folders to save disk-space. Little do I realise that when it says "compact" it actually means "delete", so I had to spend 2 hours restoring all my messages ... all 5,000 of them.

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Friday afternoon : the bobbin in my sewing machine decides to throw a wobbler because I had the audacity to change from zig-zag stitch to normal stitch once too many times.

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So thanks for putting the kaibosh on getting things ready for the show which is what I had planned to spend the day doing.

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Saturday 09:00 am : jelly*bestfriend throws my plans into a spin by ringing to say she might not be able to come to the show with me after all because she is not feeling so great. I'm pleased to say that you couldn't quite thwart those plans because trusty Mr Paracetomol came to the rescue! (Although you did get your own back by making me leave my sat-nav at home)

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Saturday night ... 11:55 pm : That was a nice touch having those boy racers blasting their music from their cars right outside our hotel window at the same time as doing donuts in the car park.

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Sunday morning ... 03:00 am : And yes, those girls returning from their hen-night, crying and running down the corridor right outside our bedroom door was a touch of genius on your part.

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Sunday morning ... 04:00 am : But your best and most triumphant moment was when you made it absolutely pour down with rain causing the overflow pipe outside our hotel window to pour water onto the metallic roof. It really put us both in mind of that water-torture where victims have water dripped onto them to make them confess.

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Little did we know that the torture was in fact only just beginning ...
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I blame myself for not realising that all these signs were your way of telling me that the show we had driven 2 hours to and spent 4 hours setting up was going to be the biggest waste of time ever.

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I should have known that it all meant that there were going to be more exhibitors than there were customers.

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I could slap myself now when I realise you were planning for me to make only three sales in the whole day..

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... to three fellow exhibitors.

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Still.

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At least the stand looked pretty ...

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